


That Good Kind of Hurting

by zade



Series: kinktober 2018 (the kinkening) [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bondage, But he's into it, Canon Era, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Enthusiastic Consent, Face Slapping, Happy Ending, Kinktober, M/M, Murphy has issues, Nipple Play, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Rough Sex, Self-Loathing, Verbal Humiliation, bellamy is a service top, but just a tad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-16
Updated: 2018-10-16
Packaged: 2019-08-03 10:26:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16324481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zade/pseuds/zade
Summary: Or, well, maybe equally was too strong a word, because all evidence was pointed in the Bellamy-having-feelings direction.  Bellamy acted like he wanted to care for Murphy.  Cherish was the word Murphy’s brain had landed on, and then Murphy had immediately dismissed it by shaking his head rapidly.  No one cared for him like that on the ground.Hell, no one except his dad ever had.But it was hard not to think that way, when Bellamy was stroking his fingers up Murphy’s chest so gently, pressing soft kisses to his neck almost reverently, and murmuring, “You’re so good for me, John.”--kinktober fill for nipple play and body worship, also for tumblr requests including "write murphy asking bellamy to cuff him and/or hurt him and hating himself for it for kinktober"





	That Good Kind of Hurting

**Author's Note:**

> for the prompts on tumblr: "write murphy asking bellamy to cuff him and/or hurt him and hating himself for it for kinktober" and "a murphamy prompt for murphamy week/kinktober: power imbalance! age difference! enthusiastic consent!"
> 
> and also for the kinktober day of nipple play and body worship. i did it kind of.
> 
> un-beta'd so lemme know all the mistakes i made

They had been fucking for a few weeks now. Murphy was sure it was too good to last, but Bellamy seemed just as into it as he was, so privately Murphy hoped it was something more. Maybe Bellamy had feelings he wasn’t ready to share yet. Or maybe he was luring Murphy into a false sense of security to destroy him publically.

They both seemed equally likely.

Or, well, maybe equally was too strong a word, because all evidence was pointed in the Bellamy-having-feelings direction. Bellamy acted like he wanted to care for Murphy. Cherish was the word Murphy’s brain had landed on, and then Murphy had immediately dismissed it by shaking his head rapidly. No one cared for him like that on the ground.

Hell, no one except his dad ever had.

But it was hard not to think that way, when Bellamy was stroking his fingers up Murphy’s chest so gently, pressing soft kisses to his neck almost reverently, and murmuring, “You’re so good for me, John.”

He only ever called Murphy John when they were fucking, and Murphy tried not to have feelings about it one way or another.

Bellamy was a perfect gentleman, though; spending long minutes stretching Murphy for him; always making sure Murphy came first; running his long fingers gently through Murphy’s tangled hair. It was good. It was the best Murphy had ever had and yet…

“John? John, are you crying?” Bellamy’s hips stopped gyrating. He was kneeling before Murphy, so he leaned over to get a closer look at Murphy’s face. “Was I hurting you? _Am I_ hurting you?” He started backing away, easing his way out of Murphy’s ass, but that wasn’t what Murphy had wanted at all.

“Stop!” Murphy yelled, and Bellamy stilled. He _was_ crying, which embarrassed him, making the tears come faster. He wiped at his face with his hands but he felt boneless. His erection was flagging, which made it all the worse.

“Shh, shh.” Bellamy’s hands were on him, slowly pushing his hands away from his face and wiping the tears away. “What’s going on?”

He was fucked in the head. He had always been fucked in the head but it had only gotten worse since coming to this stupid fucking planet. His head was a mess, and here he was, with the most handsome man he had ever met fucking him like he was a prize, and all Murphy wanted was for Bellamy to tie him down and make him ache.

But he couldn’t ask that of anyone, let alone Bellamy, so he shook his head and sniffed away his tears. “Nothing. Sorry. Keep going?”

“No,” Bellamy said, carefully pulling his dick out of Murphy, then pulling the younger man towards him until they were wrapped up in each other. Murphy put up a token protest, but he wanted the closeness, the non-sexual intimacy, because it implied that Bellamy cared. “We have to talk about this. Is something wrong? Do you not want this? I haven’t…been pressuring you, have I?”

“Fuck no,” Murphy denied vehemently. His eyes and nose still felt wet so he sniffed again. “Have you seen yourself? I think half of the camp is jealous of my ass.”

“Is that…” Bellamy cleared his throat. “Is that why you’re doing this, to make people jealous?”

If Murphy didn’t know better, he would say that Bellamy sounded upset by that. “No, idiot.” He took a deep breath. “I’m sorry I got upset. It won’t happen again. You can finish, if you want.”

Sighing, Bellamy shook his head. “I’m not upset that you got upset, John—or, I am, because I want to make sure you’re okay. You’ve been through so much, I just want you to feel good.”

In some ways, that was a straw that broke the camel’s back. His head was a whirlwind of bullshit and self-destruction, but he had had a few sweet weeks with Bellamy, and if that was all he got, he would take it. “What if,” Murphy said, voice suddenly hoarse. “What if sometimes I don’t want to feel good? What if sometimes I want it to hurt?”

Bellamy’s hands tightened around him. “Is this because of what the grounders did, or—?”

Murphy shook his head, burrowing deeper into Bellamy’s arms. That probably would have been a good excuse for these feelings, but Murphy felt too tired to lie. “I’ve always been this way. Never trusted anyone not to use it against me.”

Bellamy looked almost touched. He pushed Murphy’s bangs out of his face carefully. “And you trust me?”

“I’ve always trusted you.”

Bellamy nodded decisively. “Tell me what you want, John.” He hardened his voice, the same kind of voice he used to use to encourage the 100 to do what he said and Murphy could feel his cock begin to harden again. Bellamy used a hand to tilt Murphy’s head up towards, and held him there firm when Murphy tried to turn away.

“Embarrassing,” Murphy muttered, trying to turn away. 

Bellamy looked him up and down, and Murphy felt his face light up with shame. “You’re hard, though,” Bellamy said slowly, like he was puzzling something out. “You like it. You like being embarrassed.”

Murphy squirmed, miserably. His body flooded with goosebumps when Bellamy chuckled in his ear.

“Tell me, John.”

It was worse than embarrassing, it was humiliating. And he was sure it would be asking too much of Bellamy, that Bellamy would hate him as much as he hated himself for asking Bellamy to hurt Murphy. Murphy swallowed hard. “I want…”

Bellamy’s other hand gripped his cock, just on the painful side of firm. 

It was proof of how messed up Murphy’s head was that Bellamy’s hands on him, boxing him in and squeezing him hard, made him feel as put together and cared for as Bellamy behaving lovingly to him did. He bucked into Bellamy’s grip, and Bellamy doubled down on the force. “I want you to tie me up,” Murphy finally managed, quiet and rushed. “Or hold me down. And I want it to hurt.”

Bellamy leaned down and bit the join between Murphy’s neck and shoulder, slowly tightening down on it until Murphy released a breathy sigh. “Okay.” He stroked Murphy’s cock slowly, tightening on the upstroke. Murphy’s cock was so hard it was leaking. “Tell me more. I want you to cum while you tell me what you want me to do to you. I want you squirming and embarrassed as you tell me.” Murphy groaned loudly, gyrating in his grasp. Bellamy leaned close to his ear and whispered, “If that’s not okay I need you to tell me now, John.”

“”S’okay,” Murphy murmured, and told him. He listed every dark thought he had ever had, every embarrassing wet dream, every painful want; how he got himself off dragging his nails into his thighs until they broke the skin; how he wanted to have Bellamy take him to pieces then put him back together bit by bit. He orgasmed describing in vivid detail how he wanted Bellamy to strike him and bruise him.

It was disgusting—he was disgusting, and he was dragging Bellamy down with him.

The next night Bellamy stormed into his tent and said, “Strip,” in his commander voice, and Murphy was already stripping before the tent flap had closed. “Good boy, John.” He crowded up next to Murphy and spoke directly into his ear. “You say Ark if you want this to stop, okay? If you understand I want you to say Ark, and if you want to stop this right now and pretend none of this ever happened, say it twice.”

“Ark.” Murphy’s voice was hoarse, pale faced flushed.

Bellamy waited another moment, but Murphy stood stubbornly before him. “Arms behind you.” Murphy did so, and let Bellamy turn him around. He folded Murphy’s arms over each other, so they were hand to elbow and cinched them together with a repurposed seatbelt. “Lie down on your back.”

Murphy watched Bellamy watch him. The position his arms were fit right under the curve of his lower back, so his weight wasn’t immediately on them. Bellamy dropped to his knees between Murphy’s legs, slicking his cock with lube he pulled from his pocket. Murphy felt two fingers breaching him and he grunted, the impact hitting him like a blow, the air punched out of him. He barely had time to adjust to the stretch before the fingers were gone and Bellamy was pushing his cock into Murphy’s ass.

It hurt. Murphy realized he was yelling when Bellamy’s hand clamped down over his mouth, and Bellamy hissed, “Shut up,” and it was so, so good. Bellamy began fucking him at a punishing pace. Murphy closed his eyes to the sensations, riding them and memorizing them in case this was a one time thing, and so the sudden sharp pain on his cheek came as a shock.

Bellamy had slapped him and if anything that made him harder.

“Keep your eyes on me.” Bellamy started at his neck, nipping then biting, pushing his teeth painfully into Murphy’s skin while his hands trailed down Murphy’s chest and sides, pinching and scratching and squeezing. His skin was burning with sensation and his eyes fluttered shut again, only to fly open when Bellamy slapped him again. “Tell me why this makes you hard.”

Murphy whined. “Feels good—hurts—hurts good.”

Bellamy chuckled and it made something in Murphy’s core feel squirmy. “You like it when it hurts.”

It wasn’t a question, but Murphy still whispered, “Yes.”

“Tell me why.” 

Murphy wailed, “Because I’m fucked!”

Bellamy shook his head. “Not yet, you’re not,” he said, and began fucking Murphy harder.

Between the force with which he was being fucked and brutal assault on his nipples and neck and sides, Murphy was hard and shaking, trying to force his way out of his bonds or push into Bellamy’s thrusts, but he was effectively pinned. Bellamy bit one nipple hard, squeezing the opposite until it got to be too painful and Murphy hissed, “Please,” which only served to make Bellamy switch sides.

There was something wrong with him that the bright hot pain on his chest felt better than anything he could remember experiencing. Bellamy scratched long welts down his sides and Murphy swore he could see stars.

Bellamy orgasmed first, cumming hard in Murphy’s ass and pulling out roughly. Murphy was still hard and twitching with need as Bellamy stared him down. “What do you need, John?” Bellamy asked him.

Murphy’s face was burning with embarrassment. “More,” he said, and Bellamy slapped his face again. Bellamy wrapped a hand around his cock, unlubed and rough, and stroked him hard. 

“Cum.” When Murphy wasn’t able to immediately obey his order, Bellamy slapped him again, on the other side of his face. “Cum for me, now, John.”

Murphy did, whole body tensing with the current of his orgasm. His neck and face and nipples and sides were throbbing, and he could feel cum oozing out of his sore ass. Bellamy turned him over, and he flopped, bonelessly, as Bellamy removed the seatbelt. Murphy stretched, lazily.

Bellamy lay down next to him, facing him, and smiling cautiously. “Was that okay?”

Murphy nodded. He wanted to nap for at least an hour before having big emotional conversations, but he didn’t want to give Bellamy and hour with his own mind to decide that he had somehow taken advantage of Murphy or something. “Good. Did you like it?”

He considered a moment, then nodded. “I liked you liking it.”

Murphy felt guilt rising up in his throat and completely obliterating the blissed out feeling he had been riding. “If it’s not something you liked, we don’t have to do it again. I don’t want you to do something just because you feel like you have to.”

“No,” Bellamy said quickly. “I like showing you that you’re important to me. So I like careful sex where I can show you that way, but I also like giving you what you need.”

Murphy’s throat was dry. “I’m important to you?”

“Obviously.” Bellamy frowned. “Murphy—John, I haven’t fucked anyone else since we left the drop ship. I thought it was pretty clear.”

“Oh.” Murphy tried to bury his face in his arms but Bellamy pulled it back out. “I told you I was fucked in the head.”

“You’re not,” Bellamy said vehemently. “I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear before, so let me be clear now. You’re important to me, and I want to try everything you want to try.”

Murphy tried not to let his pleasure show on his face, but he’d always had a crap poker face. He was glad that his complete lack of understanding of emotions somehow hadn’t cost him Bellamy, but he knew he’d have to be more careful in the future. “Is that so? Because I have this idea I’ve wanted to try for a little while now.”

Bellamy leaned in and kissed Murphy firmly. “I’m all ears. Lay it on me.”

Murphy grinned. “It may or may not involved stealing a stun baton.”

Rolling his eyes, Bellamy kissed him again. “All right,” he said, and for the first time Murphy thought, maybe it would be.

**Author's Note:**

> hello i am gabe racetrackthehiggins!!! if u liked it and want more, prompt me here or at my tumblr, or follow the link there and buy me a coffee!


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